Taken for Granted

On July 5th, I was casually clicking away, looking at my friends blogs when I discovered a link to another blog. I always think that it is very interesting to see what other people are interested in. I clicked on a link to the blog entitled "Bring the Rain". Little did I know that this blog would change my outlook on life and motherhood completely. I can only say that this must have been an attitude adjustment from God, but in a very kind, humbling, eye-opening way.

The blog is written by a woman named Angie Smith. She started the blog when she found out mid-way through her 3rd pregnancy that her baby had some problems and would not live. She describes her journey through a difficult pregnancy and her journey with God. The attitude that she has through her pregnancy, knowing that God could heal her little girl and chose not to, is absolutely amazing! Does she ask God for the cup to pass? Of course! Jesus Himself asked for the cup to pass. But what is truly inspiring to me is that more than she wanted the cup to pass and her sweet baby girl to be healed, she wanted God's will to be done and she was at peace with His decision not to heal her daughter.

I wept over her beautiful descriptions of her journey--the memories that she made, the anger that she felt, the consuming sorrow, and the perfect 2 1/2 hours that she got to spend with her daughter. I suddenly felt ashamed of all of the times that I have taken my children for granted. Of course I thank God every day for my beautiful family, but there are sometimes that I don't want to change diapers or wash a million bottles and sippy cups. There are times that I wish my baby wouldn't cry the minute that I put him down. There are times that I wish my daughter didn't strip down in the middle of the night and wet the bed. But I bet Angie Smith would give anything to have these experiences with her daughter.

So here's what I've decided...after all the trouble that we had getting pregnant with Ellie, God blessed me again with a beautiful baby, and instead of getting angry or feeling sorry for myself because I'm tired or I just want a minute to myself, I am going to try (the operative word is TRY) to cherish every minute that I have with my children and husband. I know that they are really just on loan to me and that God can choose to take them back 15 minutes from now. Everything is a memory and I can make it a good one or a bad one simply by my attitude and reaction to it. So I might have to change the sheets on my daughter's bed at midnight--at least it is a few more minutes that I get to spend with her and tell her that I love her. So I might have to hold my baby a little longer--before long he will not need me so much, and then I'll wish I would have held him more. For Angie's sake, I am going to enjoy the experiences that she never got to experience with her sweet Audrey Caroline.

Interestingly, Angie and I were originally scheduled for our c-sections the same day at the same time. I highly recommend reading Angie's blog--it's truly inspiring. Her blogspot is http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com